i'm proud of my cute little lego creations. 

soon my apartment will be the geeky little slice of heaven that i always hoped it would be.

its not you. its me.

i hate to admit it but i am officially one of those pathetic girls who complain all day long about how badly i want to be married.
its not that far fetched... i mean its not like my boyfriend of 6 months isn't wanting to settle down so i'm throwing a temper tantrum.

its been 6 years officially... and i'm at a yucky emotional crap hole time in my life where i cry about everything. its not me and i am not happy about it... but thats how things are going as of lately.

i don't blame him. i know he loves me.
but i hear about all these couples who have been together for no time at all that are getting married, having kids and the whole nine.... and i'm just sitting here at my stupid desk looking at pictures of cats with hilarious captions.

i don't want to grow up more than anyone else in the world... but i want to be not grown up with him!

and the longer i wait, the more i think that i'm the one who is holding him back...
what if i'm not marriage material?
maybe i have too bad of an attitude.
what if he gets sick of me?
why would anyone want to marry me anyways?
i'm not rich or drop dead gorgeous.
i have a dog that is 14 years old and still can't grasp the concept that it is not okay to look me in the eye and take a giant crap on the floor.
i am one giant mess.

i don't know what else to do.
i guess i'm supposed to just wait it out.
we'll see what happens i guess...

i think i'm kinda glad no one reads this.

making promises i can't keep...

so much for regular blog posts...
i had it in my head and heart to come back to this thing on january 3rd and then all hell broke loose.

here's a quick recap:

mom got the nasty sinus crap and cough that the rest of my family had before Christmas.
except hers lasted way longer.

in the midst of her being sick, she got married and somewhat moved out.
within a couple of weeks, she ended up going to the hospital for 3 days because she wasn't getting any better and she was complaining about being constantly short of breath.

after a nightmare of a time at the dirty prison known as memorial hospital and a few too many embarrassing situations involving family members and hospital staff, my mom finally was released out into the world again.

...and i was released into the grown up/ almost living on my own lifestyle.

as a twenty something who had never even spent the night alone.. this was terrifying. (and embarrassing)

i think i'm getting the hang of it though.
and its not all that bad.
as a matter of fact, i kind of like it.

i do see my mom during the week, so that helps... but we both work all day so its not quite the same.

i know that this is all happening for a reason and i know that in the end i will be grateful for these new experiences. and i get it... i had to grow up at some point... but i will never fully give in to the grown up way of life! you can't make me!

which also means i will be hanging this in my dining room... because what else can i say? i'm just that classy.