please don't arrest me for public nudity, officer... i was just trying to answer my phone!

so... there's this bra... 

supposedly, it holds all of your necessities so that you don't need to carry a purse.
i'm having mixed feelings about this contraption.
why? you may ask...

well, it seems like a good idea for girls who don't like to carry a purse... i too, hate carrying my purse around, but i am the kind of person who is constantly in need of some sort of visual or mental stimulation, which means i usually bring a whole lot of crap with me wherever i go. so, one bra with a few measly pockets is useless to me.

it may just be the fact that i have the attention span of a small rodent, but i can't even fill my gas tank up completely without wanting to bash my head into the dirty windows of my beloved jeep... forget about lowering gas prices, i will pay significantly more just to bring back full service stations, or for someone to invent lightning fast gas pumps. i hate it so much that i will put off getting gas until i absolutely have to... which is usually when my car stops running on fumes and starts running on prayers.

where was i?
oh, right... so, i've decided that i will need about 84 of these bras to equal one purse.
also...
it is disgustingly "whorish," in my opinion, when i see my older sister reach into her cleavage to stash money or her phone... both of which will probably be drenched in sweat eventually... unless a plastic baggy is involved... in which case, i'd just give up on the bra stashing operation entirely.
plus, what if your phone started to ring... how would you reach in your bra pocket to answer your phone in public?? that is just asking for trouble.

okay, i know i said i had mixed feelings, but i never said they were evenly mixed.
moving on to the one and only reason i became kind of intrigued by this secret stash bra
i want it in sports bra form!

here's my reasoning...
i like to go walking in the afternoons, but as i said before, i can never travel empty handed and when i go walking, it is no different. i usually bring:

my keys

phone

ipod 

water bottle

...but when three of those items are in my pockets at the same time they cause my shorts to gradually fall down... which means that i to have to constantly pull them up while trying to keep the water bottle cradled in my armpit. i look funny, its inconvenient and uncomfortable. so basically, if i could find a sports bra with pouches, my problems would be solved! i am so close to just making one myself.... or buying a fanny pack. obviously, i mean business.