snips and snails and puppy dog tails

boys, it is never okay to offer your girlfriend a kiss with a "here!"

thems be fightin' words.

what have i done??

i am obsessed with anything yarn related as of late.

and when you mix my love of yarn with my ever-present desire to never grow up... an explosion of awesomeness takes place...

michelangelo, you will always be my first love.

xoxo, lindsey.

did i say saturday? i meant SUNDAY

all i have to offer until i am able to actually get into the habit of blogging again is this...

i have been spending way too much time practicing to pretend i am 89 years old....

BUT its all for a reason... i promise.

i taught myself to crochet and as of tonight... i am learning to knit. 

i've only been doing this for a few weeks and i have already diagnosed myself with a mild case of carpel tunnel syndrome. its tragic, really.

i said there was a reason... and here it is...

this all started because i had this fantastic idea to purchase a book of star wars inspired crafts. 

and i'm not sure about the rest of you, but i can't say no to the force.

so... as i was thumbing through the pages, i noticed a really neat r2d2 beanie that i just had to attempt to make.

completing this beanie would make me the coolest person i have ever known... really really well.

i went to michaels and bought all the materials.

when i got home, i sat in front of the computer and watched youtube tutorials all night until i figured the basics out. 

at work the very next day, i had completed a measly 5 rounds on the thing, but dammit, i was proud! 

i strutted around the shop with my glasses on the tip of my nose, butterscotch candies in my mouth/ in the pockets of a pair of elastic waist-banded slacks and a dainty sweater draped over my shoulders so that i wouldn't catch my death if it got chilly in the office. i even started getting the urge to call everyone "sonny" or "young lady."

something came over me and i couldn't stop... until i misunderstood the directions half way through and screwed up the beanie TWICE. 

i could have cried...

but my adorable 6 year old nephew saw what it was i was trying to create and all of a sudden i became "super awesome aunt grannyesque lin lin!"

i could do anything! ...and by anything, i mean finish the stupid hat.

so, this sweet little boy told me how amazing i am and then he proceeded to tell me how he couldn't wait until winter so that he could wear his new beanie... the kid freaking claimed my unfinished mess of blue and grey yarn for himself! what was i to do??? he's just too cute to ever say no to...

i then became "super awesome aunt grannyesque yarn wielding slave lin lin!"

after about a week or two of wrist wrecking madness... the beanie was complete...

uh huh... i know... i am pretty stinking great.
personally, i thought this was really good for my first completed crochet project.

and my nephew adored it...

the only problem...
my niece began to assume that i was making her one as well...
so i began my second beanie...

my niece is 8 years old and is absolutely obsessed with zooey deschanel and the band, she and him.
she made me put both she and him albums on my sister's ipod (which my sister just LOVES me for... this is meant to be sarcastic... i know... it doesn't translate as well in writing.)
AND the sweet little girl got on my laptop and bookmarked items on the she and him website store for me to buy her for her birthday (5 months away).

anywho...
i completed this baby in 4 days...

again... i have to say that i impressed myself once more.

now... 

you'll have to excuse me... i have hats to make for the rest of my nieces, my best friend, my boyfriend and his best friend... maybe by christmas, i will have made one for myself... we'll see.

peace out, youngins!

i lied.

aaaand by "tomorrow" I meant saturday of course...

duh.

sad sad bloggy poo

how is it that i am still living at home with no husband or kids... and i still don't have time to express myself via blog?

i have so many things to say and never enough time or attention span to say it.

oh well.... there's always tomorrow.... or the next day.

good night internet.
i'll post something special on you tomorrow. promise.

write me a career

the boyfriend said I should think about a career as a writer. he thinks I could write for creative loafing one day in my not so distant future.
and as silly as it may seem...
its an interesting thought.
an opportunity such as this might fulfill my top secret desire to land a job with the promise of my very own cubicle.
the sad part is... I'm not kidding... at all! and it's extremely likely this strange obsession stems from my disgusting addiction to the lolcat website, monday through friday.
i dream of one day... disguising my very own little 8ft x 8ft home away from home as a secret fortress or a private mini-jungle.
yay for setting high standards!

my dream bubble is soon destroyed violently when I realize that I am NOT a writer!
I, don't, know, how, to, properly, use, a, comma,, and don't ever ask me where to place a semi-colon! that sort of language should be reserved for the bedroom only!

i use this "..." way too often and i dont even know what that's called.
i write this blog as if I were speaking. every sentence is either a fragment or a run-on and I think it's obvious I have issues with capital letters... if there are any in my entries, it's because my iPod is a communist... a capitalizing communist?? okay maybe not.
either way, I would never claim to be a legit writer. people would laugh in my face.:;;,,." most importantly... I am only truly skilled in the art of criticism. i go completely blank when faced with a writing assignment for school... but I'll passionately proclaim my disapproval of any noun imaginable! (that's right... any person, place, thing, or idea I dislike... I'll verbally destroy... no I don't have self esteem issues... what ever do you mean?)

if creative loafing were hiring based solely on cynicism and bitterness alone... I'd be a shoe-in!

what else would I write about??
I'd much rather rant on about how much I hate the jersey shore douchebags than gush over the latest trends in fashion and all that nonsense.

just a thought.
had to share.

next time I might recount my newest accomplishment I like to call "watching/ photographing a baby human person come out of my best friend's no-nos"

until then...
peace out

my final two songs of Christmas don't

winter wonderland

"in the meadow we can build a snowman,
then pretend that he is parson brown
he'll say: are you married?
we'll say: no man,
but you can do the job
when you're in town."

all my life i've wondered who is this parson brown dude and why does he care if these people are married?? and what job could he do for them while he's in town? he can't do much. he's a snowman for cryin out loud.

well, apparently parson brown is an 18th century priest.
it makes more sense now... but the problem is... it still sort of sounds like they want him to do the "job" meaning be the spouse.
and when you say it like that it sounds dirty and gross.

"later on, we'll conspire,
as we dream by the fire..."

conspiring near fire? never a good idea! who are you Jesse Ventura and his bogus team of geniuses?

"in the meadow we can build a snowman,
and pretend that he's a circus clown
we'll have lots of fun with mister snowman,
until the other kids knock him down."

clowns are scary! why would you pretend the snowman is a clown?
and are you really okay with those bastard kids knocking your snowman down??
you're a better man than i.
i'd be pissed!
those things are a bitch to craft!

and last but certainly not least:

my hands
by jewel

who decided that my hands would be a Christmas song?

i actually read the lyrics because the only freaking words i understand in the song are "my hands are small I know they're not yours they are my own."
don't get me wrong... the lyrics are good.
the song has a great purpose but jewel can't articulate the words well enough to even know what that purpose is.
also after reading the lyrics i still don't see why it's limited to the genre of Christmas alone. is it because she is singing about God's blessings and faith? because God does His thing year round and i know this because i have faith year round.

and that's it!
took a bit longer than I had hoped...
but I finished.
so... until next Christmas...